Thursday, May 13, 2010

say what cha need to say

My [semi-deep] thought of the day, week [okay maybe] year.

My trip to the grocery store today got me thinking [I know....scary].

I was asked how I was ["How are you today?"] said, "good, how are you?".  But I wasn't ready for the reply.  .  .  . "Not good, rough day, wish I could go home and do nothing."  

Whoa?!  What the heck?  Who said he could actually tell me how his day REALLY was going?  Ever notice how weird it is when someone actually says how they truly are feeling?

I thought it was awesome.

We go through life most days - smiling, chit-chatting. We exchange pleasantries everywhere from the grocery store to Starbucks. We dish up so called meaningless babble and empathy in our social circles. Countless conversations pass over dinner tables and office desks and customer service counters daily. They are a natural occurrence in human life, and we should have them down pat.


So why is it that we typically avoid what we really want to express.

Whether it be with a hostile loved one or a distant relationship, sometimes its easier to pretend that everything's okay with the "Status Quo", all the while the little crack fed hamster in our brain is spinning circles over the "shouldas-couldas-wouldas".

I guessing because sometimes verbalizing that one phrase, starting that one conversation has the potential for ripping open the floodgates of heartache, of aggression, possibly of reality.

I'm thinking this is one of the biggest challenges relationships pose.

Whether romantic or professional in nature - one based on blood or just shared experiences - those ties that bind can be fragile, and a seemingly innocent inquiry or confession can tear those bonds apart like a clothing designers' seam ripper.
Good or bad, it takes pure guts to put your emotions on the table. But that confrontation or confession can have an outcome that wreaks havoc inside you. Your courage could very well be rewarded with disappointment and regret.

So is it true what they say - - - sometimes ignorance really is bliss ? ?

28 comments:

Barefoot AngieB said...

Funny that I was thinking of this just the other day after giving the expected small talk responses and wondering if I or the other people really were just fine....
Good post!

Jamoosh said...

I'm fine thanks - and you?

TRI-james said...

I almost always say WONDERFUL!!!

I have found that attitudes are truly contagious and I do not want that negativity around me.

My ‘real’ relationships – well they don’t have to ask – they know how I am doing.

Marlene said...

I'm definitely "guilty" of going with the easy, sugar-coated answers... sometimes it's just easier that way!

ShutUpandRun said...

I just tell it like it is. Not good at faking it.

Pam said...

I'm trying to break myself of the habit of asking people when they come to the counter, "Hey, how ya doing?" Because sometimes people tell me. It's like that simple pleasantry is their cue to tell me their life story. I smile and nod while thinking, "Sorry I asked."

H Love said...

Honesty is a good thing....you just need to be prepared. Often times just because someone shares something does mean they want you to fix it or do anything....just listen! Great post. So, how are you??

Stacie said...
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Stacie said...
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Stacie said...

I love this post. It's funny how most people just automatically respond with a positive answer. Sometimes I'll be completely honest and get strange responses. It usually shows who is truly my friend and who knows me the best.

Jamie said...

It's so true! I stay away from people that get upset with me just because I'm trying to talk to them honestly and they would rather talk about shallow, unimportant things. It's crazy how weird some people can be!

Kelly Leigh said...

I love when you have life moments in the simplest places. I don't really like when random ppl get too honest. It makes it awkward. But if they're people I care about I want honesty.

Gina said...

i really really hate meaningless chit chat.........

Gina said...

i always try to say what i mean and mean what i say. :)

wendy_kresha@charter.net said...

There is nothing better than making someone's day by being polite, smiling and making nice chit-chat. I always make it my goal to make at least one person smile every day. That being said, there are some days I just don't have the time or energy....

Carly said...

I am ALWAYS that person that gets cornered by someone's life story after saying "Hi, how ya doing". I must have that face that says tell me everything.

Amy said...

What a great post! I've thought about this before too. I like people to be honest, but I have often thought that when people ask, "How are you?" they often don't want to hear the real answer unless it's positive. I give honest answers to friends and family, but am always friendly and upbeat with the cashier at the grocery store or my server in a restaurant no matter how I'm really feeling. I figure that they are on their feet all day and doesn't need to hear my troubles!

Angie said...

ummm, pretty good, you?

Jeff - DangleTheCarrot said...

haha ... good post and interesting observation.

Sorry to make fun of a treadmill today! When I wrote that I was smiling b/c I knew you would get a chuckle from it!

Quinton J said...

This post kicks ass.

SteveQ said...

I deal with autistic adults on a daily basis, so I expect completely honest answers to "How are you doing?" and I forget that not everyone responds that way. If I can't immediately honestly tell people I'm doing well (and that's most of the time), I give a completely non-committal answer.

Meg said...

Sadly, I think avoidance is bliss, not ignorance. What we don't know won't "affect" us emotionally, especially if it has to do with someone else.
Thoughtful post :), thanks.

Jill said...

Great post! I always say, "Good" when I really want to spill out all my issues...just so someone will listen and help me. haha. I guess we just use it as a greeting more than anything and are a little confused when we get something aside from the norm.
Happy Weekend!

Adam said...

Interesting. But, sometimes speaking your mind to a complete stranger is very empowering. I’ve had a few changes in my life and being able to tell random co-workers that I’ll never see again (in this Chicago training) has been GREAT

Petraruns said...

I don't know. I'm right now in a family situation where various people have dumped all sorts of hate and bile and I don't think it has helped things at all. I don't think - on the other hand - that it would have helped "keeping it all in" either - but perhaps dealing with your feelings yourself, or trying to somehow do something constructive with them, is the best thing? I don't know. It has taken me 6 months to realise that the hate and anger is in them, and their problem, but it is very hurtful.

Basic courtesy, a bit of awareness of human frailty and everyone's fallibility is not such a bad thing. Faking it is not great I agree, but sometimes you can fake it till you make it..

Laura said...

I am getting better at really saying what I want to say and actually mean. If someone doesn't want to know...don't ask me. :)

Mel -Tall Mom on the Run said...

GREAT post... Funny in corporate America we are forced to pretend like we are happy regardless of IF we truly are or not. I would probably get in trouble if I went around telling people I am bored to tears with my job and searching for something new..

NY Wolve said...

I once knew someone who would pause, and answer that question thoughtfully. And it taught me to do the same.