I think there are layers of "hell" . [Sorry Mom, I mean H E double hockey sticks]. But for purposes of this post. It's just hell. One size does not fit "all". I think Hobby Lobby is in the sixth ring. Wal-mart is in the eighth. Now, Home Depot . . . the first ring for sure. Now as far as I know, there are ten rings of hell but should I somehow discover a worse place that HD . . . there could actually be more.
[I'll do the layers of heaven post another day, yes, of course, there is one.]
I will only set foot in Home Depot if:
* I have a photo of what I need. [thank you iPhone]
* I have a recorded message of the Pita talking that I can play to the HD ass[ociate] to better explain what i/we/HE needs. [thank you iPhone]
* I am promised a chicken burro enchilada style [from Carolina's] on our return trip home.
* I am picking out a Christmas tree.
* It is the Pita's birthday. The man likes power tools [to sit in the garage].
* If the Pita is home taking a sick [fake cough, fake cough] day and has a sprinkler related emergency and I must go.
It all happened so fast . . . such a blur.
Pita: "EM, you need to go . . now . . go get your crusty Runner, runner, runner shirt on and go, go go!"
Me: but I need a photo, a voice memo, something in writing.....a prozac, midol, something!!
[he's not laughing.]
Pita: "Em, you've freaking got this!" [looks up winks.]
[happy me.....heeeeheeeheee someone's been reading my blog.]
His phone rings. work people. yikes. not now --- I need better details. He tells them to hold.
Pita: Em, it's like this but not this. It's a 90 degree angle but one side screws, this side [points] not this side, it needs to be 1/2" this side, 3/4" this side. got it?
Me: No, wait but . . .fine whatever. Answer your phone I'll be calling.
Pita: Smiles. [smiles big . . whaaa, huh? why you so happy?!]
I get there grab the arm of the first orange apron. sprinklers/plumbing whatever. Please help now. I hate it here.
[long boring, attempt at funny, not entertained but I smile and act interested and laugh. he grabs a phone and called "associate in plumbing to front of row 11".
[five minutes that felt like 17]
I meet "Nick". Nick is not helpful. Nick keeps looking at me like I'm stupid. Fine, I'm a stupid HD girl, I'm totally okay with that just help me!
Nick: blah blah you can't have both 1/2 & 3/4 AND one smooth side and one threaded side in a 90 degree.
Me: please hold. call Pita. no answer. again. no answer.
Nick: [still talking nonsense....hands me one] I think this is it but it might not be it.
Me: [deep cleansing breath]. Nick, you've been great. Which ones might it be? I'll but any it might be and return all the others.
Nick: man, you really do hate it here.
[big smile from me]
Me: The hugest understatement ever.
I return home to find the Pita done. Like done with the problem.
Pita: man, that took a while. I found a spare in the garage, sorry. What did you buy? Holy crap, that's a full bag.
Rule #944: never be lured into doing something you don't want to do by a wink from your man. He's crafty. He'll sort it out without you.
What/where is your LEAST favorite place to do/go?