"Drive" - Incubus

Fast check-in.

busy.
busy.

this is for all my awesome people coming to the Rock-N-Roll Marathon here on 1.16.11

HOW TO DRIVE IN PHOENIX‏:


1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: FEE-NICKS'.  There are other names to learn such as Awatukee (Ah-wa-Too-Kee) but that will be included in the advanced course.
 
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday afternoon.
 
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On Loop 101, your speed is expected to at least match the highway number. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
 
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
 
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.  Red lights and STOP signs are merely suggestions.
 
 6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get you shot.
 
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Phoenix. The detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.  Cones are there to test slalom skills.
 
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.
 
 

 
9. Other things to know:


* Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the '10' are the same road unless it's the part of the I17 that is also called the Maricopa Freeway.

* SR202 is the same road as The Red Mountain FWY unless it's east of the 101 and then it becomes the SanTan, then it ends, and then becomes the SanTan again.

* SR 143 is a street AND a freeway at the same time. Either way, it's the Hohokam Expressway.

* No one really knows what purpose SR153 has exactly.

* SR51 has been called both the Squaw Peak Freeway and Piestewa Freeway. Depends who's talking to you.

* US60 on the east side is the Superstition Freeway. On the west side it's a diagonal road with lots of traffic lights that's best avoided altogether.

* Sometimes you'll hear things on the traffic reports that refer to 'the inner loop.' No one (besides traffic reporters) ever called anything in Phoenix by that name. Matter of fact, I'm not sure where that is exactly.

* Dunlap and Olive are the same street.

* Jefferson becomes Washington, but they are not the same street.

* SR 101 is the Pima FWY east of I-17, which is the Black Canyon FWY (south of the 101, north of the 101 it is Veterans Memorial HWY) unless you are south of the 202 then the 101 becomes the Price FWY. SR 101 west of I-17 (at all times) is the Agua Fria FWY.

* No one is quite sure where Bethany's Home is.

* Lastly, Thunderbird Rd. becomes Cactus Rd, but Cactus Rd doesn't become Thunderbird Rd because it dead ends at a mountain.
 
10. If someone in a Toyota or Honda actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally activated'....they never use them on purpose.  Ever.
 
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off' accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
 
12. For summer driving, it is advisable to wear potholders on your hands.
 
13. It's a sport to make a yellow light from at least 500 feet away.