Monday, October 18, 2010

The House Rules - Christian Kane

We interrupt on-line Boston freaking registration *&^$#*~%$@# [the 42 time filling in all the blanks is a charm?!] to crack a few funnies . . . .


No. 407: When we ask you how we look, you lose points every time you answer with "fine."


No. 384: It's not that we like the flowers themselves, it's that the flowers mean you're thinking about us. And we love that.

No. 494: We kind of wish we could chest-bump, too.

No. 154: Never underestimate the power of a kiss on the head.

No. 634: When we are truly angry, we go silent. That is your opportunity to apologize, or run. Neither will save you.

No. 584: "Business casual": Easy for you, but bewildering for us.

No. 374: Even we know this: The craziest girls are the ones who seem the most normal at first.
No. 495: We still like being asked on a proper date.

No. 841: Even if we look sad, don't tell us that we look depressed.

No. 934: Nothing is quite as comforting as a big, man hug. Safe, warm, firm, but yielding.

No. 455: We always want dessert. We always want you to order dessert. What we never want is for you to ask us if we want dessert. It's redundant.

No. 444: Replacing the roll of toilet paper counts as one of those "little things" that we love.

No. 914: Putting dishes in the sink doesn't count as doing the dishes

No. 417: No matter how much we love you we will never care what level you've gotten to in Call of Duty.

No. 204: "Chuck Norris would do it" is not an excuse for bad behavior.

No. 148: We like safe drivers. High-speed chases only impress us when they involve Jason Statham.
No. 724: We are really more forgiving after fights than we let on.

No. 472: In regards to shirt buttons, here's our advice: one open, you're fine, two open, you're cutting it close, three or more and you look like you belong on Tool Academy.

No. 946: It's true: We always want to be your top priority.  Always.

No. 224: Electronics clipped to your pants are sexy only if you're Batman, Superman, or any other kind of man who needs them to save lives, not send e-mail


No. 249: We love hearing about your family. Even when it's boring, it's good to know you think about them

No. 847: When we slam the door, it means come in.  Duh.

So now you [men] have no excuses.

Happy Freaking Monday.
;)

59 comments:

Jamoosh said...

OK, now I am more confused than ever. Thanks for nothing...

Big Daddy Diesel said...

I hope Boston reg clears up soon.

ShutUpandRun said...

If you're having trouble registering, go to the BM FB page. There's a link there that finally worked for me.

Barefoot Neil Z said...

How many were after 407? I got a little lost after that one...

Kovas Palubinskas said...

You lost me at "fine," but I like the chest bump thing.

Foges said...

{chest bumps Kovas}

Emz said...

SU&R ---- thank you!!!!!!!! Worked!!

Emz said...

Ya & ummm foges a huge "I'll pass" on that one.

Quinton J said...

Congrats on your BR!

Teamarcia said...

Haha! Love it! Hope you got in by now!

Amy said...

Oh, I love this list! How can I get the BF to see this? Would taping it to the fridge be too obvious?

How exciting to be registering for Boston! Woot!

Emz said...

Amy - umm. It's my experience that you could tape it to his forehead & it would still NOT be too obvious. ;)

Luke said...

"No. 224: Electronics clipped to your pants are sexy only if you're Batman, Superman, or any other kind of man who needs them to save lives, not send e-mail"

I had a friend tell me that he saw that on VH1 on a list of things not to do and I have always wanted someone to ask about this........I'm an EMT and a member of a state SWAT team...is that "saving lives" enough to permit me to carry my blackberry in a holster?

Andrew Opala said...

This sounds a lot like the Ferengi rules of Acquisition.

Emz said...

Luke - you get a pass. But don't tell anyone.

Andrew - love it. #141.

Luke said...

141 is good, but I think 255 is much better.

Colleen said...

Love it... wondering if I should pass them along to my hubby anonymously! HA!

Hope the Boston reg gets cleared up. I know my MIL was having problems too...

Patrick Mahoney said...

These posts make me nervous. I may be a bit scared of you.

And yeah, Luke can clip anything he wants to his belt when on duty.

canyoncairns said...

That last one is so true! When I storm out, you'd better come check on me in a couple minutes!

misszippy said...

Yeah, it took me 4 times of filling out that stupid form! But it's done.

Love the list!

Adrienne said...

@Amy--take EMZ's advice for attaching to the forehead but use a stapler. Seems to work for me.

Slamming the door TOTALLY means, you better come in!

Love the list--understood all of them and agree.
Congrats on Boston! Woot woot!

Emz said...

Luke - then you'll need to follow up #255 with #266.

Adrienne - love it.

Allie said...

Mmmmmmm, Jason Statham!!!!

Petraruns said...

nah, Jason doesn't do it for me. Otherwise I'll print this off and hand it to him.

After years of passive agression around birthday presents I said this year - you've got to make an effort, I have got to see that you have spent 20 minutes thinking about ME and what I like - not what you think I should like. Tomorrow is D Day. We shall see...

Emz said...

Yay for birthdays!! He'll pull through.
[send me his email, just in case] ;)

Kovas Palubinskas said...

No chest bumps? Not even with SUAR? For more fun, read Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Won't Be Dating or Having Sex. I think I have most of them covered.

Laura B. Jog for Joubert Syndrome said...

love it! #634....my husband still hasnt figured this one out!!! i dont think he will ever get #455 either!!!

Molly said...

for 472, after meeting my husband, he started to wear tshirts under evertyhing, always, no matter how hot it was. It helps keep the hairy peace.

hope you finally got to register!

Kate said...

Yay! You're all registered. I wish I was running Boston. 2012 anybody? That is a great list (and VERY true).

Jill said...

Woohooo, you're in for Boston!!

I left my spot open this year just for you, I said, "Leave at least one spot open that I'm not taking for EMZ" - you're welcome :)!!

Marlene said...

Ahhh Monday.

I figured Boston reg would be a sh*t show!

Emz said...

jill - ummm thanks but - - you were to BE there TOO!!

shellyrm aka jogging stroller mama said...

I love #417!!! When will they learn?!?!

And electronic devices clipped to their pants. I wish my husband's electronic devices were small enough to clip. A smart phone, 2 computers, 3 game consoles....yeah, big big kid.

Slomohusky said...

I agree with Jamoosh. None of the above applies to me and mine. Not that were perfect or anything....?

Happy Patriots Day in Boston to ya!

Emz said...

Slowmo - none? Really?! None. Just so you know Mooshy, is a big "hard core" [abs] liar. Just sayin'. ;)

Meg said...

Ha, ha! All of it, so true. Especially dessert!

DRog said...

RnR AZ!!!! hahaha let my (our)mania begin
j/k
not really

the problem with #444 is I want credit for stuff like that...the ledger gets to lopsided (in my mind) haha

Derek

Amanda - RunToTheFinish said...

AMEN
No. 384: It's not that we like the flowers themselves, it's that the flowers mean you're thinking about us. And we love that.

Slomohusky said...

i didn't say they didn't make me laugh or smile though. jamoosh lies? i kinda like his comments - now i am really confused.

love the post emz! even though i have dw full the week before and carlsbad hm the week after - i still might do phx rr again.

Jon said...

Notes taken!

Anne said...

Loved this :)

Woot woot for Boston!!!

Char said...

In regards to #244 - undies worn on the outside of lycra also only sexy when you're Batman or Superman.

Emz said...

Slowmo - yay!! No.... YAY!!

Char - cracking up. Awesome. Agreed.

Her Name is Rio said...

My hubby could probably benefit from this list. Sounds like Boston reg is a joy. Ick.

Brooke said...

Printing this list now for my husband...thanks for the explanation/clarification. He needed that.

Good luck with Boston.

Erika said...

I love that list! good luck in boston!

Rae said...

Great list!

Carrie said...

I'm so glad you got in. This morning on Boston Talk radio they were saying that last year it took 2 weeks to fill all 27,000 slots for the BM. This year it took 8 HOURS!!!! Crazy!!!!!

Ed said...

Damn, dude... I only went away for a few days; and I have so many posts to catch up on... mostly from YOU! Haha!
Thanks for all the info on this post... it should keep me out of the dog house for at least a day.

Jamie said...

hahaha that was great! So true! I need to forward this to my man. Hope registration went well.

Aimee said...

LOVE THIS!!!! :)

Silly Girl Running said...

Hahaha! Love no. 847. So true! ;)

One Crazy Penguin said...

Wait....so you're saying I'm not allowed to chest bump!?!? Bummer....

Fist bumps are still cool though, right? :p

Rad Runner said...

Hey queen lady!946 mmhmm!

Laura said...

LOVE THIS ONE: No. 634: When we are truly angry, we go silent. That is your opportunity to apologize, or run. Neither will save you.

So true!

Candice @ I Have Run said...

I need to have my hubby read this, although he is pretty good at most of them already. The dessert one was probably my favorite. No. 847 is a close second.

Caratunk Girl said...

I am totally printing this off and making my man read it. Awesome. That is what it is. And true!

Hope you got through the registration hell.

Sarah said...

I chest bump to show how tough I am. :P

Adam said...

Ha! I LOVE these!!