Friday, October 29, 2010

"One Night in Bangkok" - Murray Head

Friday Funnies- brought to you by my Bro-In-Law [police officer] "buff".

The following 15 Police Comments were taken from police car videos around the country. Count down to #1...  the photo that's from a "gun show" I went to. 

I loved  the shirt.
#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
# 14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."
#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"
#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and corn dogs and step in monkey poo. "
#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
#2 "I'm glad to hear that chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."


#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."  [ouch].

HAPPY FRIDAY!!



42 comments:

Diana Tries-A-Tri! said...

Hahah, ouch indeed!

Luke said...

Love #1. I have used 15, 13, and 12. If you pair 12 and 13 its if you run you'll only die tired.

My 7 is Fair? The fair only comes to town once a year and you still have to BUY a ticket.

Aimee said...

Ha ha...too funny!

ShutUpandRun said...

I've never seen monkey poo at a fair. Weird.

Emz said...

Luke - wow. It is written. You brave sole. ;)

SU&R - apparently, you are going to the wrong "fair's".

misszippy said...

Oh number one!

Sarah said...

Love it! My brother used #11. Trying to remember some others. I'm going to see him this weekend.

Colleen said...

That's a good one!

Adrienne said...

Me+cops=not friends. Never get out of tickets. Travis has NEVER gotten a ticket. I guess he is the pretty one, bald head and all.

shellyrm aka jogging stroller mama said...

I hope I never hear any of those in real life...they wouldn't be so funny.

Emz said...

Adrienne - me either. I've only gotten out of one. [one out of four or is it five? might be six] not very good odds. Oh & I think you've just guaranteed T a ticket. I blogged that the Pita never had and within 2 weeks....nailed $250. Dang Tucson police.

Jason said...

T-riffic.....after a long day of driving laughing is what I needed and this was the perfect first blog to read.

Thanks.

Slomohusky said...

wow $250 in Tucson for pita! thanks for the warning before i pick up my rental down there. happy halloween and have a great weekend!

Emz said...

Jason - happy. me.

Slowmo - please drive "slowmo". Tucson cops. as. mean. as. they.come.

Tom said...

Those are awesome.

Gracie (Complicated Day) said...

Love #13!

Julie @ Hotlegs Runner said...

hahaha! loved #1. But I hope he doesn't make me sign ;p

Kovas Palubinskas said...

So cool the police read your blog. Please post that none of the laws apply to me.

Emz said...

Kovas - everything/anything for a price. I'd like a taco kit to review.

Will said...

Police are society's soldiers, despite what Joe Strummer said.

Laura said...

I have had to use #4 OFTEN in my job. Love it! Gotta love offenders!

Big Daddy Diesel said...

These are classic

Jill said...

You make these so ...fun!! :)

DRog said...

today at work the guy next to me radio played "video killed the radio star" and my first thought was...I wonder if EMZ has used this tune? or is a tune that would make the cut and eventually show up on her blog. -- is that sad that was my first thought?! haha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BTT3-vA25Zk

btw I am much more mature than MattyO I would never trick you with a youtube link - hes gotta lotta growing up to do;)
tho so do i:)

Derek

Emz said...

DRog - "video killed the radio star" -- you know it. Was on my Portland marathon playlist. Hilarious. You know me well. ;)

heather said...

Love these! I've been able to talk my way out of a couple tickets but once upon a time a very, very long ago a #4 and a wrong answer to #8 resulted in a #15.

That shirt is the coolest!

Melissa Cunningham said...

LOL!!! love it! but i do have to confess,i talked my way out of my 1rst ticket with food-i worked asa waitress and promised him a free meal! it worked!!!

Rae said...

Haha! Very funny!

Char said...

Love them. You gave me and my son a good laugh.

Teamarcia said...

Those are great!

Emz said...

Melissa - love it. Maybe I can offer to be his fashion guide/stylist. Ummm ya thinking that's not going to work. Maybe I should be a part time waitress or open a donut shop?! ;)

termite said...

i want that t-shirt!!

Lesley @ racingitoff.com said...

Bwahahahahaha! I can't ever think of anything clever to say to a cop until after he's already pulled away. I've only gotten out of a ticket once when I had an emotional tearful breakdown while in the last month of pregnancy.

My favorite was a cop who pulled over to help me on the side of the road... had my flashers on... he came up to the window and asked me what the problem was... I said "My childrens' attitude... I pulled over to adjust it."... he said "good luck with that" and walked off and got back in his car.

Emz said...

Lesley - that. Is. Awesome. I'm. Using. That.

Karen R said...

Love it!

You are random with your gun shows, belt buckles, and yet rap music references and church shoes :)

I totally identify!

Jennifer said...

Very funny! I love the t-shirt the best. Cheers!

Jennifer said...

Very funny! I love the t-shirt the best. Cheers!

runningwithababyonboard said...

hilarious!

Candice @ I Have Run said...

Those are seriously awesome! And I'll be passing on that last one.

Kenley said...

HAHAHAHAHA, loved number one!

Quinton J said...

Thanks Adrienne...you're so sweet. Love #9. And Heather's comment...hilarious.

Matty O said...

hahahahaha great list.