Wednesday, October 27, 2010

"Someone keeps moving my chair" -TMBG

A must see.

Warning:  a little deeper than normal.  no, worries, if you back out now.  The video was the good part.

I distinctly remember sitting in my biology class my junior year in high school. I got to first period early, as was usually the case, when I drove EF to school with me. The girl, she liked had to be EARLY. I was wearing a striped Ralph Lauren "polo" shirt with a pair of 501 denim Levi's. That morning. changed. my. life. A conversation over-heard by my [awesome] biology teacher between EF & I. If only I could find his address or phone number. I'm sure he is on Facebook. ;) I would call and thank him.

He begged me to trust him and open up to him and his wife [who was a councilor in the downstairs office]. Which was no small task, given the circumstances.

Life. changing. defining. moment.

Never shared 100% of what actually happened [with anyone]. I'm fine and happy with that. I, for the most part, talk too much. Way too much. I like knowing. I have a "thing". A "thing" between me and my Father in Heaven. Just us.

Make no mistake . . . .

Home was the one place where I was safe. But my fear [of dealing] still consumed me at home.

I was so afraid that by talking about certain things with my mom and dad, home would no longer be a place where I could forget about what I was trying to hide.

There were/have been a few times where I honestly thought life was too hard, too painful to survive. I'll call this young [or not-so young] and stupid of me. Thankfully, my parents told me that, no matter what burdens life dished out, there's nothing - nothing - that's too difficult to survive.

I still have those fleeting moments where I cling to those words.

The "pain" of my early years has actually done a few wonderful things for me. It's made me incredibly resilient where hearsay is concerned. These days, I can give a flying fish what others [99.4% of them anyway] say or think about me. It may has made me quite confrontational but I'm fine with that.  I've "got my [own] back", if needed.

It has made me extremely compassionate and supportive of certain communities/causes.

I often say, "I am grateful for everything I've experienced." It's a true statement. And what I've gone through . . . . it probably looks like a spring day in May, skipping in fresh, just mowed grass, while picking tulips ...... to others. ;)

I am grateful I weathered an extremely trying situation that cemented my confidence and gave me steel-like resilience, at least 344 days of the year. What? ........ I am human. I have "poor me" days. "This sucks" days. And "I suck" days. Days, I wish someone would STOP "moving my chair".

No matter your challenge in life - [and we all have them . . . . each and every one of us] whether it be loss, harassment, grief, heartbreak or another trying time.

I promise this - - - - it will get better.

Because. each of us. we are the ones who can make it better. And me . . . . . apparently, I like a challenge.

Now if I can just go find my *&%#@$# chair.

Happy Wednesday to ALL!!


KovasP said...

Keep on keepin' on Em, we are truly blessed to be what we are each and every day. Nowadays we outrun our challenges.

One Crazy Penguin said...

I couldn't have said it better myself. I don't know what you went through, but I've had the exact same feeling in regards to my own personal situation. I applaud you.

And if I see you're chair I'll trip the person who took it and put it back where it's supposed to be :p

gba_gf said...

Ah, they might be giants, the best Therapy in the world, yes?

Matty O said...

So you rock for reminding me of that band, it has been YEARS since I have listened to them. Guess what is going on my Youtube this afternoon.

As for whatever you were talking about for the rest of the blog, you lost me wayyyyyyyyyyy early on. Couldn't follow where you were going but it seems that you got some strength and still utilize it (I get distracted by small shiny objects easily).

Oh yeah, how did you get Bryan Payne's picture on that youtube video you posted today?!

Unknown said...

TMBG totally rock my socks :)
Keep calm and carry on.

Goose said...

"Nothing is permanent in this wicked world- not even our troubles." Charlie Chaplin.

I enjoyed your post. You seem like a strong and confident woman. Keep fighting the good fight.

jymmebe said...

You are one strong woman! Trials make us stronger, (hopefully) better people, and able to see life with a perspective that others may not understand.

It seems after getting through our own experience, we will have opportunity sometime in our lives to help someone else through it.

So happy to see that you continue to heal each day!

Love you!

*BTW, Jeff introduced me to TMBG about 22 years ago. Love them, and that song! :)

Lucas R. Tucker said...

it good that you could learn to be stong at such an early age. Sure makes those 344 days a year for the rest of life a ton easier.

Matty O said...

I blame you for what just happened to me... I was watching you might be giants videos on youtube and the next one in the sequence was this...

Thanks for scarring me for life (indirectly).

Julie @ HotlegsRunner said...

giving to massive virtual hugs you strong woman you!

Emz said...

Matty-O --- I'm not falling for it. I will not click the link. It's a set-up.

Emz said...

they can't even spell potatoE right.

Aimee said...

TMBG are awesome! They make great kids' music now too which is fun for my boys and me and my husband!

I don't know what you went through, but your message about being able to overcome something horrible is a good one. Sometimes life seems to be too much, and it's hard to imagine an end to the hurt. But, we always seem to get through it in the end.

Andrew Opala said...

very very deep post pink pony

You're a pretty tough chica!

(... But that video is strange.)

Emz said...

Aimee - you said it better than I did in waaaaaaay fewer words. Thank you.

Emz said...

Andrew - I am "strange". :) I'm pink pony emz strange.


AM! said...

it's true. we all have our story, and things we're dealin' dealt with baby

thanks for the reminder, and as a former school counselor, glad you talked to one back in the day (at least I think that's what you said you did, but I could be confused...;)

Anonymous said...

You. Rock. Whatever it is... I'm glad it made you into you.

Matty O said...

I knew you couldn't resist clicking it. Took about a half hour to purge that song from my head.... sigh. Those guys are nutzo.

Jason said...

Tahnk You. I don't need to say anymore.

Emz said...

Matty -O - guilty. hot potatoE, hot potatoE . . . I used to dance around the family room with Peanut for a good 30 minutes to that song {TMI}.

AM goals - hence the name of my blog, right? ;)

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

Although I sometimes whine, I know that there is always a "neighbor" whose burden is heavier, so I hand mine to Him and go help my friend.

Seems like you've got it under control but I'll ask, Any way I can help?

Adrienne said...

I'm sorry for whatever happened to you. You definitely are strong.

I have this picture in my head of what it was like before we came to earth. We are all standing around in a circle and Heavenly Father is handing us our challenges we will face once here. He hands me the envelope and I look inside and then look up at him and ask him while trembling....really? Can I really do this? He looks me straight in the eyes and says I know you can. I'm still hesitant but then my older brother comes up right behind me and puts his hand on my shoulder and says, "don't worry sis, I've got your back" I nod, relax and say "okay, I'm in."
Love you,

Marlene said...

You are such a strong woman! Kudos for the open and honest post - this could really help someone, and maybe you too. {hugs}

Emz said...

Adrienne. Can u email me? Pretty please.

Shelly - you are so sweet to ask.
No. I am great.

Mostly, just a reflective post I've been wanting to have in writing for quite sometime now. Again, thank you.

Emz said...

Adrienne - the best comment in emz history. I can't find your email address in my dang phone.

ShutUpandRun said...

I'm sorry whatever happened happened. The good news is that we are strong enough to not let these things define who we are forever. We learn, we move forward, and we teach our kids this. Peanut is oh so lucky to have such an insightful, clever and loving mom.

Emz said...

SU&R - well said my friend.
Peanut is getting an ear full when she's old enough. ;)
You're awesome.

Tri-James said...

We all face challenges. It is how you handle them that define you.

Jill said...

Hi EMZ, I'm in the middle of nowhere NM and can't open your link on my BB (yes, sorry I still on a BB, I know I'm a loser) but it as good to read your last line as I struggled YET AGAIN with my heel today: it will get better.



Emz said...

Tri-James ---- and if anyone knows THAT it's you. You amaze me. You are truly inspiring. Thanks for the comment.

Jill - it will!! & w/o a doubt by man/horse 2011. ;)
27 October, 2010

Julie said...

One thing is for sure you are a strong and beautiful person. Maybe your father in heaven put your biology teacher there for a reason. Angel on earth. Take care of yourself and stay strong:)

Were you able to find your *&#@&# chair? Hugs:)

MCM Mama said...

It's amazing how sometimes the hardest things we deal with in life are the things that in the end make us the strongest.

You are a lovely, strong woman. Peanut and Pita are lucky to have you.

DRog said...

Poor me worse! haha - just kidding

you = body, mind and soul.


Emz said...

DRog - nope you win. You live w/o cheese.
Unthinkable. :)

DRog said...

Well it HAS been super helpful in that I am not eating all the kids and wifes chocolate in the house:)

thx for your post-
Im gr8ful TODAY!!

the push is on for Jan.
"I've freakin got this":)


Kenley said...

Thank you for the confidence in this post. It has made me realize things in my own life that, in the end, keep getting better with the urge to move on. Thanks for sharing your self with others, very inspiring words. Take care. Keep rockin on with the music. It reminds me a little of the Smiths.

Karen R said...

Love the post!

One of my favorite songs on the radio right now (the country girl in me) on this same topic is "This Ain't Nothing". Talks about loss. And how strong we are once we've faced loss and grief.

So...bring it on, baby! That's what I like to think to myself :)

Emz said...

Kenley - thank you for your comment. & I must agree w/your comparison to the Smiths. :)

Karen - I love that song. Had never heard it before. Thanks for mentioning it!!

Silly Girl Running said...

This IS a deep one! ;) Love it. ;)

Quinton J said...

Nice post. In terms of what we can handle in life... We're pretty huh?

Molly said...

sorry for whatever that sucky thing was that happened to you....but it made you turn into the strong person that you are, and no one can take that from you Chickie.

SteveQ said...

I just posted a rant about vanity sizing clothes and thought, "fashion... wonder what Emz is up to" and so I stopped by to find more than I bargained for.

I can just agree with the previous comments.

(and now to build a little birdhouse in my soul...)

Emz said...

Yay! Steve.
I'll be back to fashion by tomorrow. For sure. :)
You're awesome!!!

Caratunk Girl said...

Emz, you are amazing. I love your attitude, your toughness, and most of all your honesty. Hugs to you.

TMBG rocks, btw, thanks for that!

Big Daddy Diesel said...

Hang in there, you are one tough cookie!!! And have some cookie while your at it, mmmmmm cookies!! Now I am hungry!!!!!

Petraruns said...

This is why I read your blog. You're right, my lovely. Thank you.