Thursday, September 23, 2010

Check Baby, Check Baby, one two three four

Check baby check baby one two three

Check baby check baby one two

Check baby check baby one . . one

So "go buy crap for 50 miler" was number one on my list of "to-do's" yesterday.  So, I went.  I bought.  [I yet, again, received some super [not] sweet comments from employees - not even going to post about THAT]. I bought.  I bought.

I came home and reported in to "A".  You remember, the Pita's co-worker [who is 49% of the reason I am doing this 50 mile Man V. Horse race].

Here's how it went down [email style]:

A: So did you buy what you need for October 2nd [50 mile trail run]? How was the marathon in Utah?

E: my marathon? - I SUCKED. HARD.  But . . .Ugggg - moving on . . . .
I bought a Nathan "trail" water belt. Two 10oz bottles and a little zippered pocket thing.  Good? Bad? Not enough?

A:  I'm sorry you had a tough time. That crap happens, but holy cow - I would kill for a 3.5 hour marathon.
You screwed up. You'll die with only 20 oz ..."FYI" maybe you DO have a death wish? You need to drink at least 20oz per hour and you don't want to stop that many times to refuel. (there may be stretches when you won't be able to refill for hours.) You want to carry at least 50 oz.  Keep the Barbie doll pack for your short [Barbie] marathon runs.  Maybe you could get some cute marathon shorts to match? This is ultra-running, dude and you need to up it a notch, Barbie girl!

Let's meet up tomorrow (Thursday) for a late lunch/snack and sneak over to Runners Den or REI to pick out a Nathan pack.

[thinking to self - Emz, take the “high road”/don’t stoop to his level . . . ]

[sorry Mom & fellow family - he called me "Barbie" - you KNOW how I feel about this.]

E: Please tell me I did not just read "Barbie" in that email.

Ohhh, HELL NO!!

A: Tell [the Pita] you need about $120 or so to buy some supplies. I assume you get an allowance? runners den is out of stock, so we need to go to rei. cool?

E: You are really trying to get under my skin aren’t you? Whatever. I don't report to him [much]. And, what if, WHAT IF, he asks ME for money, ever thought of THAT?! This is the QUEEN of Jean you are dealing with!!!!!

[yes, I did include that many "!!!!!!!!" 's.]

A: I’m flexible tomorrow. I want to accommodate the Queen's schedule. We can drive to rei together and talk about the race route and how to plan for a 10-12 hour day..... of puking. Someone told me you found a new skill. Very cool!

E: O M Gosh.
    Hey, Captain Jerk!  ummmm just send me the link of what to buy to make you happy. I’ll be just fine without seeing you.

A: Ha, you’re not getting out of seeing me that easy. You want a Intensity Race Hydration Vest (70oz) Yes, that's a 7 AND a 0 - together. I'll go over tonight to REI and buy it. I’ll hand it to you tomorrow (please don‘t barf on me). We could just walk over to Borders and go over the map and the difficult parts of the course. (Hint: only the first 5 miles are easy).

I can hardly wait to see him.

I'm drinking a bottle of Syrup of ipecac 5 minutes before.

NEW EMAIL JUST IN . . . From "A" . . .
"I bought you the Nathan. It is specifically for ultrarunning and half of the runners will be wearing the same one.  I want you to fit in and not look stupid, since Im encouraging you to do this."

Me:   .................. ........... [waiting for you guys to tell me exactly how to reply]. 
Fit it?  ---- why?
Look stupid?  ----- WTH?


AM! said...

there aren't any fancy aid stations every 2 miles on a 50 miler?? just kidding...;0

You Go Wonder Woman with the 50 miler! show us the vest you end up buying;)

Carrie said...

I love the Ipecac comment! I like the way you think.

Anonymous said...

Great, now I have "Barbie Girl" by Aqua on the brain. Now I have to poop again.

Emz said...

J- TMI. I have "barbie girl" in my juke box. When peanut wants to torment me she plays it. [often]. Uggg.

Stacie said...

I LOVE this post. Too funny. Good luck on getting the pack.

PS-Don't let him get away with that crap :)

Quinton J said...

You’re lucky to have such an inspirational coach and mentor for this epic event.
And to confirm…this race is in less than 2 weeks?

Andrew Opala said...

Just sh*t myself with laughter.

That Aqua song is an important comment on much of the young socialite society - don't knock it.

If you feel up to it, buy a marker, and somewhere on your minimalist garb for the 50 miler write "Wannabe Supports Superwoman!". Or a wrist of something (but washable marker).

When you get down in spirits during the race, remember that everywhere people are entering new difficult areas where they are perhaps the only ones to see from that unique perspective. Then drop a gear and start passing the dumb f*cks! You are the only one that can do this!

Marlene said...

Hilarious exchange. You'll show him that you mean business out on the trails!!!

Sammie Girl said...

Cod liver oil should also do the trick!
I was picking up my older son from school the other day and I saw this young lady getting in her mom’s van and I thought of you. This girl was trying to be like Peanut. But there is no way her mom shops for Lady Gaga!!!! She had the tights, but that is where the fashion sense ended.
Oh! And ‘Barbie Girl’ is the ring tone I hear ever time my sister calls me!

Patrick Mahoney said...

You have to approach this race like you are an old time explorer. Either carry more water or bring a pack mule to do it for you. I've never seen a Pack Mule Barbie so you'd then be free and clear. That's all I got.

Actually it isn't. 624 miles - did you pick 624 to torture me because somehow you know I like to think in zero's and five's? Or is it really 624?

Emz said...

Andrew - I'm doing it. You are my hero.

"Wannabe Supports Superwoman!". - Added.

Anyone else?!?!

Emz said...

Patrick - it's all in good blonde tormenting fun. One thing I've noticed - YOU enjoy my random #'s. Usually when I talk it's 800. I had to pick up 800 pieces of clothing off the floor. I have like 800 places to go today. But I like 4's so I use them not-sporatically [sp] either. . . .what movie?! "s" words?

Emz said...

Q - 9. nine. NINE. days.

I think I just threw up.

Caratunk Girl said...

Ipecac!! I hope you hurl all over him with that Barbie girl crap! :)

You are going to do awesome in the 50 miler. I like Andrew's advice. I don't have anything witty to add tough...sorry.

NY Wolve said...

Classic Song lyric. All of us oldsters should post fave 80s movie lines, song lyrics, etc. to date ourselves. I did it inadvertently with my Road Warrior post. Now I understand if people have not seen the movie, but don't even know what it is??? Anyways, good luck on the water thing. I have no idea. I have only run in sissy marathons where they have people handing you water every mile.

Emz said...

NYW - "sissy" & "marathon" should NEVER be used in the same sentence. There is NO such thing.

Adrienne said...

"I assume you get an allowance?" --- Nice. Puking is a great core workout. 9 Days! It's going to be awesome!

Matty O said...

OK, for Mr. A's defense... I had the same thoughts when I heard you had just TWO 10oz bottles. That lasts me an hour. So I would say his advice is spot on.

One problem for you will be not training with this added weight, might mess with you a bit.

Hilarious exchange... when I saw you type "take the high road" I sat and did not scroll down, I says to myself... I know EMZ fairly well... there is NO WAY she can let this one go that EASY!... Sure enough, you never fail to come through!

Personally, don't be scared or intimidated, just go one step at a time and you will be done before you know it. Should be awesome and full of great views. I don't think you can "race" this distance, so find a comfortable pace and sustain it, if you did HR running I would recommend to stay aerobic the whole time for you should be able to run that pace all day and not be tired.

Moral of the story... you need more water :)

gmontalvo13 said...

you crack me up!
and i love the barbie :)
unfortunately, i too have the song in my head now!

abbi said...

Ha! So funny! Have fun with this new manly pack you are getting. What are you going to do with the Barbie pack now?

Emz said...

Matty-O --- I know he's right. After he wrote that I {very silently} thought [duh] but heck if I was going to write THAT. Only you can see this "comment" right?!

I don't even know where to find a "high road".

I also [VERY silently] have been doing HR training. because I want to be like you, you, YOU.

Emz said...



H E L P.

KovasP said...

I like the photo of you, you look very pretty, but I thought you were running not riding? Plus jeans will be uncomfortable after a couple of miles. Will you and the horse be wearing matching crop tops? OOhh and matching bows in your braids!

Harold said...

OMG 50 miles? You are crazy!
And yes, theres no such thing as TMI with me :D

DRog said...

@Patrick LOL - Old Time Explorer!

Agree with More is better
Or you could try to chick him with less...but the suffering wouldnt be worth it? or would it!!!

DRog said...

@Patrick LOL - Old Time Explorer!

Agree with More is better
Or you could try to chick him with less...but the suffering wouldnt be worth it? or would it!!!

Sarah said...

I don't know if I would write a reply. Wouldn't a picture of one of Pita's usual poses do? ;-D

Aimee said...

I like Sarah's idea about using a Pita pose picture to reply...ha ha!

That was a pretty funny email exchange. But, I would have hated to be called "barbie" too!
On another note, I heard that Nathan pack is awesome! It WILL be great for your race!
9 days can do it! You are going to rock the 50 miler!

Lindsay said...

My reply would be something like:

"Fit in? Why the h-e-double-hockeysticks would I want to do that? Don't you want the competition to be distracted?"

As for the looking stupid part, I don't know.

Have fun with the ipecac. I will be waiting for a full post-meeting report as well as a follow-up on the email war! :)

Zaneta @ Runner's Luck said...

haha! Your exchange is humorous! I am not the one to ask for advice on how to reply... I am the Queen of bad comebacks lol... usually I dont think of anything "good" to say until 24 hours AFTER the encounter ;) Can't wait to hear your response! lol

Unknown said...

haha...Not only could I be friends with the PITA I also could be friends with this guy!!!

He is right though. The ultra I did had a rest stop like every 6-8 miles. They were like freaking buffets but they were far apart. The hydration vest is key because you need 70oz, at least, and a place to pack some nutrition. They will probably have a bag drop area around the midpoint area. Put an entire change of clothes and another pair of shoes there. Make sure the shoes are a 1/2 size larger because your feet are going to be swelled up.

One more thing that saved my life was a foam roller after the race. Getting the lactic acid out was necessary and then some compression tights would be nice for the ride home. Unless you are camping there -- lots of the hippie trail runners set up tents.

Emz said...

Jeff-so when you going to be my friend?! Jk.
Me & camping [after a 50 miler] not in this lifetime.

Char said...

Please have a double dose of Ipecac - some of those comments deserve the barf treatment.

Anonymous said...

Just the photo of the Barbie and the image it left was enough to make me click that "follow" button. I needed a little laughter tonight. Wouldn't life be boring without a few crazies to spice it up?

Unknown said...

You are so NOT a Barbie, geesh. The nerve.

RockStarTri said...

Did you call him "Ken?"

Silly Girl Running said...

Hahahahah! You're hilarious! Thanks for making my day!

Silly Girl Running said...

Hahahahah! You're hilarious! Thanks for making my day!

Anne said...

Thanks for the great entertainment :) Hilarious.

Lucas R. Tucker said...

funny post. Don't respond, just beat him sensless next time you are there in person.

5 Miles Past Empty said...

I'm going to laugh SO hard when you beat him by an hour without even (hardly) trying.

Tell him to: Shove that stupid Barbie where the sun dont shine and you'll see him on the flip side, Yo. What up now? Punk. That's right, those Barbie shrot races are just your Warm Up. What ev....


MCM Mama said...

OMG! Hilarious! If a marathon is barbie short, what am I running? Skipper races? ;o)

The Boring Runner said...

HA!!! I'm sure i'm too late on the reponse, but hopefully you told him where to stick it.