Tuesday, December 14, 2010

"It's Tricky" - Run DMC

Well and it's a little sticky, salty, sweaty, crampy, musty & ugly.

But it's also weirdly lovely, pretty, funny, crazy & [possibly my] favorite----y.

In the words of Tone Loc . . . "Let's do it"

The first two miles are crazy.  Like.  crazy.  downhill. 

Now......unless you can run the course or have some insane downhill areas in your neighborhood.  I. have. no. freaking. clue. how. you. train. your. quads. for. this

But if I run this again next year, I'm going somewhere to train.

I'm going to keep this [mostly] simple with little [pace] data.  The numbers show I didn't do it right.  That's that.

Gu'd at 9 [usually wait until 13 but thought better safe than sorry.....choked it down]

Low-fived a male BQ'er at mile 10 and he said the words"We've banked two minutes."  I knew that "b" word    trouble. 

From what I know . . .


you. just. don't.

banking = you've gone out too fast/too hard

[yes, my Dad was a real "banker" . . . save. save. save.  It's in my blood.] ;)


the gross. [sorry mom, dad & any family . . . .it's what runners want/need to know]

at 11 ummm had to do the duty. 

I have never.ever.ever.[one more time] ever had to do this during a race [ya, never] so I use my running turn signal and go left off in the dirt about 5' off course [kinda behind a car] drop the pants, turn to see if anyone can see [uhhh ya, hello! like 22 eyes a blaze . . .] one guy yells out"hey Spot [yes, he's referencing my arm sleeves], you are not discrete, there's a P-o-P at 13?!.. [laughs]".

Uggg.  fine.  up they go and I'm running, again.
Get to 13.  feeling.  has.  passed. 
so I pass the P-o-P.

I'm feeling not so fab.  But I know that once I get past 13, the rest is "easy".  But.  I. Need. water. and salt pills.  IT.  IS.  HOT.

blah. blah. blah.  getting dizzy.

[stopping to drink at every station]  I didn't stop once in Portland [yep, my 3:20 marathon PR, {click on 3:20, if you need proof, I clicked on it 44 times already} I did actually run fast back in July, uggg.]. 

what's. freaking. going. on?

At 19. 

I see these:

PLUS.  the.  Pita.  in.  his.
happy. emz.

little.  mishap. on the salt pills I was to pick up here but.  it. is. what it. is.
it. was. what. it. was. big smooch to MY Pita.

on. we. go.

oh wait.. ..  .. .. ..

not so fast.

19.2 it's "go time".  Yep, that "go time".

All I could think about what SUARLike WWJDWWSUAR do?

So I went about 7' this time out to the Tom Petty, "great wide open" and "drop[ed] it low". [sorry, I just love that song].

Then the comments came flying in from fellow runners.

The ones I remember:

"at least your a$s isn't white.  nice tan."

"Oh L*rd, why didn't you go off course a bit more?"

"I've never seen a woman [at least he called me a woman] be so blatant about [cuss word]+ing."

Grabbed the biggest/smoothest rock I could find and.......
yay. freaking. me.

back. in. semi-business.

Now here's just a crazy amount of photos.

Toes cramped at 19.5 stayed cramped throughout.  Have a 1" blister from the toe overlapping issues.  nice. 

Toe cramps..............I CAN handle.

Calf cramps.
Quad cramps.
Not so much.

You can't talk your legs out of a cramp.
When they want to collapse.
They will.
And they do.
And they did.

Who walks at 24.1?  Me.

I could NOT physically run.  It wasn't a mind over matter thing here.  It was a cramp taking over my body movements thing here.

It was sad.
It was depressing.
It was what it was.  not. my. day.

I'm to [cuss word] stubborn to keep walking so I keep trying to run.  Each time making it about .2 of a mile before my foot wouldn't make it under my body weight in time.

[don't read this mom & dad]

At 25.1 you know where the photo guy was last year.  when I was all pollyanna kind of happy. [I asked him first] but .......... I. flipped. him. off.

with. both. hands.

Sorry, the Pita's trick is rubbing off on me. [that's my excuse anyway]

I think the contrast of 2009 to 2010. will. be. awesome. to. see.

At 25.5 I saw KP & CP who had their shirts on and had asked the DJ to play "walk this way" [run dmc] for when I came around. 

The "walk" this way part did sting a bit. ;) but it was awesome.  Oh ya and she's the girl I grabbed by the arm at mile 25 at RnR AZ last year and said, "you don't freaking walk at 25".  Yes, my foot tastes awesome though.

I have a girl pass me as my legs gave out [once again].  I let out a too loud, "hell no!" yes, I had a potty mouth this day. 

I had .3 left. 

I was not letting her cross the line before me. 

MY. DAD. WAS. here.  He's the reason I try and sprint at the end

This was going to be ugly.  And it was. [Matty-O, make a comment on my form and I will hurt you.  That right calf . . . . I have no clue how it was landing under my body.]

but. worth. it.

You bet your bum, I passed her.


But I want to know what this kid was doing?

Pita's long lost little brother?!


you. guys. rock.

and again.
huge "thank you" to my family & friends.

love you.


Kera said...

no way no way...am i the first????

Emz said...

Kera. You. Kill. Me. ;)

Kera said...

ok. got that out of the way. great post and report my friend. I can't imagine poo and running at the same time. i love you. you are awesome, and each race can sometimes be more about the story than the experience.

i know i'm not in the inner circle with all you elite people, but just know that i love you. like for reals. good job.

Kera said...

woah that serious part didn't make sense. i meant to say "the race can sometimes be more about the story than the time"

ok. bye.

Melissa Cunningham said...

agree with kere "the race can sometimes be more about the story than the time".....
LOVED the recap!!!
sorry to hear about the cramps and blisters and poo.....
loved the photos,and i cant believe you gave adouble bird to the photo guy!!!! i literally said "oh no she didnt!"
and then laughed out loud...im sure i would have done the same thing !
anyways, i know its not the race you envisioned,but you have to admit,it makes for one good story to share to the grandkids one day,a LONG time from now!

abbi said...

great post - so it was not quite the day you hoped but you'll get 'em! Your report was great to read.

Unknown said...

you are still my hero!
poops, cussing and all :)

*love the line WWSUARD?? GOtta use that more in mY life*

Im sorry you were in pain those last few miles but heck girlie
you rock.

The first YOU FREAKING ROCK AWARD winner and she does the award proud.


Andrew Opala said...

EMZ! Awesome report ... thanks for the Abs - I know that last shot was for me ... I'm still trying to get the laptop behind a locked door somewhere!

I like WWJD? but about Beth!

Remind me not to pass you when you're limping ... I'm sure you will ground your legs down to bloody stumps to pass me. Awesome effort!

Stacie said...

Awesome race report EMZ. Loved it!!! You totally rocked this race. Tee Hee! Glad you found a smooth one.

I almost had an unfortunate experience on a run but luckily I had just enough time to get in the house and drop my shorts before a horrible tragedy occurred.

Great pics!!! Loved the smooch with Pita pic.

Marlene said...

Your race reports are the best!!!

Banking minutes... my "coach" once saisd that every minut5e banked in the first half costs you X minutes in the second half. But dammit I can't remember the number. I know I've learned that one the hard way.

But you freaking rock. And you looked amazing doing this... as per usual.

XLMIC said...

Woman! You are a ROCK! So totally impressed with you resolve during what was not "your" run. LOVE the play by play and color commentary ;-) you sound a lot like me…but way faster! Methinks you missed my advice post the other day.

On to the next one…PR, here she comes!

Heather said...

Thanks for sharing the report.
I always mistakenly think you fast, ultra fast chicks don't have "gooey, painful, gorey, gross day once in a while.
I am sorry you did.

A Prelude To... said...

WOW! Really - WOW! You're so TUFF! Seriously. Great race report.

poo sucks.

chloƫ. said...

love your race reports -- even the not-exactly-perfect ones, as bitter as I might be over the fact that 3:26 would MAKE MY LIFE. Sigh, you're just too awesome for the rest of the world.

Heather said...

Great race report! You kicked butt! sorry about the cramps...that had to suck. What an awesome support crew you had :)

Rae said...

I cannot believe you pooped where people could see you!!

You did so awesome! Even with your poo break!

So proud of you!!

RunningLaur said...

Mythbusters did an experiment that proved you can endure pain more successfully if you swear - so use that potty mouth all you need to in a race - it's totally a key factor towards success :)

Anonymous said...

First - great post.

Second. Screw SUAR (smiling), you should have been wondering WWJD (What Would Jamoosh Do). I'll tell you what: if I was a treadmill trainer I would hop right out and buy two cinder blocks and prop up the back of that treadmill to simulate downhill conditions.

Jill said...

Did you get another cactus medal this year? That one was killer last year! Emz, that damn lack o water got your cramping going. Let's get a check list going for Phoenix and write that on your arm in black Sharpie and so you can look at it and get that stuff in you! You did excellent considering those condition, girlie!! And I knew exactly where you were squatting :).
Very proud of you!!!

Emz said...

Mooshy. I did. I have. I need more like small trucks under it.

Emz said...

RL-loved your comment. I typically [never cuss] but . . . this day was less than "typical". ;)

Jill. you rock. no. no cactus medal. dang recession. ;)

misszippy said...

Ok, let me just say that 3:26, in the flipping heat of the desert, is nothing shy of amazing. Stop beating yourself up!

And you never disappoint with your race reports. WWSUAR do was my favorite.

Quinton J said...

An old training partner of mine used to say:
“you can’t bank minutes…only energy”
I always remember that when I start to “drift up”.

…And you DID stop for kisses.
It’s a technique that pays dividends…I’m telling you.
And shortly after that “magical moment” you had ANOTHER “magical moment” (the second brought on by the first I’m sure). And a rock? Really? A big smooth rock? That makes you such a hard a**.

You ran a solid race EM…One that you needed under your BIG A** Buckle before you’d be ready for your sub 3:20. You're ready now.


ShutUpandRun said...

Tears of pride running down my face. You crapped on the course. You wiped with a rock. Where the heck was the photographer then?

Greatest race report. But, 1/16/11??? That will be a day to behold. I just know it.

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

I love the race kisses!

I believe it's a runners RIGHT to cop a squat whereever needed.

You have the leanest body out there! Can we trade?

Okay, congrats on a great race. You did and passed that chica too!

What is the kid doing?

Jen Feeny said...

Girl you are such an inspiration! To have had such a day like that and still only be 6 odd minutes off your PR is amazing! I hope you are resting up and recovering well!

Jill@Run for the Hills said...

you are hardcore AND an inspiration all in one.

Big Daddy Diesel said...

You truely are a rockstar

and seeing Pita in the that shirt made me smile

Karen R said...

Good job finishing! You will do much better on the next race! But just know that you are still super fast :)

And, you have a rockin body! (I'm only saying that out loud because it would be inappropriate for the boys to comment on that :)

I'm so jealous of your fast time and the 6 pack!

Jason said...

Sweet Baby Jesus in all his swaddling clothes....

Have you really looked at the picture at the end? I mean really looked?

#911 is all smiles
#128x is all fatigued

You not only passed her and beat her you took the life out of her.



That right there is take no prisoners....

And you are now part of the potty club.....congrats!!!!

Caroline said...

great read for a newbie like me...the one word that comes to my mind as I read this is WARRIOR...
I get that you have your expections and that this was not your day according to your standards I get that..but for me..wow what an inspiration..I am running my first 8 milers on Sunday and I will think about this post if it gets hard...

April said...

you threw a deuce, got cramps, walked, and still finished in 3:26!!!?!...I'm pretty sure you are super human!!
Good job girlie!

Teamarcia said...

Ugh I am such a banker too.
Do NOT bank in Boston. Promise me that.
really? A flat rock? Now that is character-building at its best!

Lee said...

WoW EmZ! Warrior!
You've joined the squat club too. That's gotta count for something.

Anonymous said...

Love this post. EMZ IS human. I love the SUAR style. No use waiting for PoP! Hilarious. Oh wait, maybe she's not human... pooped, walked, and still got a 3:26? You are bad a$%.

Emz said...

Q - your "training partner" is spot. on. love the buckle comment.

SUAR- only you. only you.

Shelly - SERIOUSLY that kid is flipping someone off behind him. I. heart. that. kid.

Morgan/Jill-thank you.

BDD - is there a poopie [like pukie] award? no? good. not my proudest moment. pita IN THE shirt quite possibly made my year.

KarenR-what size shoe again. you are my favorite liar. And I reward my best ones. ;) [thank you].

Jason -STOTAN. loving it. potty club? is there a shirt I should have for this "club"?

Caroline - you will rock the race Saturday! drink. drink. drink [water]. You've got it!

TMarcia - promise. pinkie promise [even].

Lee-seriously, it's "got" to. ;)

ali v. said...

I am beyond impressed about what all you were able to fit into this run and STILL get a sub-3:30 marathon. IMPRESSED! Congrats on finishing...even if it was a battle, you did it! xoxo {av}

Emz said...

Lesley - HA! a little toooooooo human. PoP's are highly over-rated.

My new shirt should read:

Got rock?

Unknown said...

Great RR! Love the Dots!

Loved that you just dropped down right off the course to take care of business,well at least tried too!!

Such an ultra-marathoner thing to do!

Char said...

When ya gotta go, ya gotta go. Who cares if it was in sight of 100's of runners? Who cares if they told all their friends and rellies about it? They won't remember your face.

Anonymous said...

That was an awesome effort - all you need to do is 3.8km swim and 180km ride beforehand and you're an ironman!! :)

I've been eating lots of pickles lately!! I'm not running any faster but I don't seem to be cramping as much so there was definitely theory in the pickle madness.

1 question....is PITA an aussie?

Emz said...

MelBird. Hilarious. Just freaking hilarious. Love the pickle juice comment. Why didn't I use it in Tucson?! Uggg. It's back "in" in January. The Pita is the most die hard. "All black"'s. New Zealander. ever. That. Man. Loves. His. NZ.

TRI714 said...

That's hardcore. 4 short weeks to glory. Great recap.

Aron said...

WOW you are one tough lady. seriously. you still ran an amazing time, don't forget that. congrats on another marathon and can't wait to see you crush it on 1/16 :)

Unknown said...

Love the sleeves on you!!!
Running is such a love hate thing.
You look awesome in your photos :) Awesome job finishing that sucker!

Amanda@runninghood said...

I have to say, I love your sleeves! And your abs. :) Great job Emily!

Anonymous said...

T.M.I. E.M.Z.

ask and receive:). love you!

Unknown said...

wow, that was intense! Loved how the running story unraveled though. Nice job!

Anonymous said...

Let the PITA know we'll be taking the All Blacks DOWN at the World Cup!!! Does that mean you're going to have a house full of NZers at xmas?
I hope they have majical pickle juice in NZ - I'm gonna need it for the Ironman.

Emz said...

Melbird. Those. Are. Fighting. Words. ;)

Anonymous said...

Aussie Aussie Aussie Oi Oi Oi!

Emz said...

Ohhhhhh man. I'm going to have to hide these comments from the pita.

But. I was. Just. Thinkin'. Didn't we kinda spank you guys a few months back?! Jus' sayin'. ;).

Anonymous said...

Didn't Oprah decide to come to Australia (Sydney in particular) rather than NZ? Ooh look, I can see her from here!

Hang on....we?? Ohh who is bandwagon jumping now! :)

Emz said...

Don't. Tell. The. Pita. .. .. .. I like your "fighting words".
Oh but btw, I have no freaking clue on the oprah thing.

Detroit Runner(Jeff) said...

awesome running!

Anonymous said...

Oprah has been here for the last week....Sydney went mental for the last couple of days and she did 2 live shows at the "Oprah House" yesterday. Its "Oprah Watch" EVERYWHERE!
You work at home - while you're swanning around in your PJs, eating cookie dough and writing your blog during the day you'll be able to watch her "Australian Adventure" :)(says the girl working at home today watching daytime TV while I read blogs) :)

DRog said...

I cant bank minutes?? there goes my race strategy for RnR!! haha

OMG the elevation change! I just looked at the ele chart and the first two miles looks like the back bowl cliff drops in china bowl at Vail!!

totally get the quad calf cramp frustration with under 3 miles to go the exact same thing happened to me at TCM this year. EXACT. While I initially blamed it on Patrick and some shorts he recommended in hindsight it was 100% endurolyte failure.

1-16-11 !!!

lets do everything possible everything in our power to put ourselves in the BEST possible position at the start line in 4 weeks. lets tackle this and hammer on the back half.

Congrats on a great race, surviving for the podium finish...

Emz said...

MelBird. Hi[freaking]larious. TV, pj's & Bon bon's baby.

DRog. Done. Just done. We are getting it "done".

Pam @ herbieontherun.com said...

Has anyone told you today that you are just drop dead gorgeous?! You take the best pictures!!!

Sorry about your legs. :( I caught myself squinching my toes when you while reading about your foot cramps. haha

Unknown said...

Holy crap! Uh, no pun intended?

Best. Race recap. Ever. Ever. Ever.

I cannot believe that there was one false potty alarm potty stop, time to kiss the man, another poop party, walking a cramping body AND a DJ request and you still ran it in a time faster than I ran my first HALF in.

Oy vey. I don't know if I looove you or hate you but I think... I definitely love you.

Aimee said...

Um...can I just say that even with the GI issues and the cramping you ROCKED! That time is just amazing! I know you are disappointed in your time, but you MUST realize how awesome you did considering what you went through!!
Your family is awesome too! I love how they were there for you wearing those shirts! Just awesome!

Jen said...

Wow! Congrats on yet another speedy marathon! And cramps really are not a mind over matter thing. No one else has ever said that and I'm glad you did! Love the finish line story, I'm so impressed. And your abs are SO amazing!

ConcreteNCoffee said...

Congrats, girl! I woulda killed for that time, but I know that I gotta get many more races under my belt before I do. And I know we runners hesitate when it come to getting "down and dirty" in our blogs or race reports but... it's just part of the game.

Thanks for being candid. No one benefits from race reports that are all sunshine and daisies. Glad you found a smooth rock ;-)

Annie said...

You are totally becoming my inspiration!

H Love said...

after that recap I thought your time was going to be HORRIBLE....but dude you are amazing. Your worst race is someone else's dream race! Love all the much needed poop survival talk! P.S. You look amazing!

The Green Girl said...

Wow. That was one hell of a ride.

Congratulations on digging deep when it got rough - you are awesome, girl!

Silly Girl Running said...

The whole P-o-P thing. I know how it feels when you've got to go during a race, and I even know how it feels when you've got to go pretty bad. And I know it's not funny. At all. But you still made me laugh... Thanks: I needed a laugh. :)

Johann said...

Great report! This is the type of run that builds the character you need for the really good PR’s and the really long ultras. Nothing lost, just a lot of experience gained. You were great!

Peggy said...

Loved this recap! And I absolutely love those shirts! Great job!

Beth said...

Oh man, you are a champ for just finishing, that sounds horrifying! You get a ton of hard core points in my book!

Matty O said...

So I find it funny. I saw that picture before I read what you wrote over top of it and immediately said, the reason there is NO PR is because her form sucks again. She is breaking the glass! Then I read it and was like... shoot, can I type this? YUP, and I did :)

Hey, gotta have the bad ( I use that word LOOSELY because that is still a hell of a pace ) races to APPRECIATE the good ones right?

Sounds like some hydration issues huh? Who uses a ROCK to wipe? My goodness, do I have to teach you everything? you must have had to go bad, even I have been able to wait until I found a porta pot. HAHAHA, I feel for you, I really do. But those comments the runners made were HILARIOUS!

You will never see them again, at least they have a great story to tell their buddies about the race haha!

Take it easy tan cheeks!

Matty O said...

OH! I always bank time. I never run at the proper pace. ALWAYS BANK TIME!

I allow for mishaps in the race this way.

Thats just how I roll, don't tell me I am wrong either, because I AM NOT WRONG! BANK TIME!

Emz said...

Matty-O. I. Love. It. I. Love. Banking. Thank you.

Emz said...

Oh & matty-o. I just couldn't be bothered waiting. Do you know how many butts + other appendages I saw during man v. Horse?! I just didn't give a crap [uhh] who saw me. Needed to so I did. Nuff said.

Now I just need to use that same mentality for that PR.
You. Freaking. Go. Get. That. BQ.

The Hungry Runner Girl said...

Wow. I don't care if you run a 10 hour marathon...you have the best body ever!!! I am sorry about the bummer race but it will only make your next marathon (PR) that much better!! Toe cramp and having to use the bathroom....bad luck:(

heather said...

So let me get this straight. Despite the walking, the kissing, the crapping and the bird flipping, you were still ten minutes faster than last year. You passed that chick. Pita wore the shirt. Oh and you have the most rockin' abs in the blogesphere.

It def deserved a fair amount of potty mouth, but no tears.

Molly said...

AHHHHHH! My stomach was cramping for you!

But I LOVE that you finished with a smile, and Love that Pita wore his shirt.

You Rock Girlie Girl.

Jenn said...

3:26 PR or not-pretty darn fast!!

A smooth rock-BWAAAAHH!!

I've had ONE race in which I could NOT stay out of the POP's (note-I DID make it in there:) It was just terrible and not only physically but mentally draining to have to stop.

Great race report! I died laughing and honestly if God gave me the ultimatum of never running a PR marathon again but getting YOUR body in return, I just might take it!! OK- perhaps that sounds creepy....I am really not a sick twisted man who poses as a mom of 3 on the internet... Nice race-big things in store for you I think!!

Sarah said...

Oh my gosh that sounds painful! I think I can run a block. Maybe. Is there a block marathon?

Big Daddy Diesel said...

You are the second blogger that has asked me if there is an "depends award" ummm, no, sorry that I dont have, it can be all yours if you want

MCM Mama said...

LMAO - WWSUARD! Too funny. You still rock!

Unknown said...


Amazing. (did I write that enough like you?)

See, I told you YOU ROCK!

I will never look at a rock the same again.

Unknown said...

You never cease to amaze me and that's why I love you! :)

AM! said...

I know I'm late to chime in, but YAY YOU! as you know... you rock. love it all.

and your dad's gotta be super proud;)

nice sprint to the end baby!

i can't even imagine doing a ~ sub 3:30 marathon.. dang

C2Iowa said...

Great post and great pics! I am glad that I found this place.

Awesome form btw

Petraruns said...

Do you still actually read comment 86? Well my bad for being so late. Honey - you did NOT have your day. And having to go is just no good - but sometimes (sh) it happens and you just need to deal and get on with it. I'm all for the alfresco stops though - I waited for a portapotty in London and man oh man - that minute would have helped!

All in all still a major, stellar performance woman. I adore you AND your abs. Sheesh.

Emz said...

petra. if YOU are 86. I READ 86. You. rock.