"Playing Small" - Damaris

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

~Nelson Mandela

 

One of my favorite bloggers had a portion of this quote on his blog. 

 

“There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.”

It has always stood out to me.

I. freaking. love. it.

 

My Peanut and I talked about this and other topics for nearly an hour yesterday , as we got her ready for church camp.

[photo from this morning]

 

[with undoubtedly the freaking coolest bag at camp-thanks PRR!] 

 

She is one week away from her 12th birthday and let me say . . . .things are changing way too fast around our home.  The conversations are much more serious, which is hard when she has a mom that's a tiny bit sarcastic.

 

I'm used to questions like:

 

* Would you rather eat a scab salad or blister juice?

* Would you rather be set on fire or freeze to death?

* Why can't I invite who I want to my party?

* Would you rather have a dog with diarrhea or a dog that throws up?

 

I'm NOT used to these ones:

 

* Why are girls so mean to each other?

* Can I shave?

* Why do people say untrue things about each other?

* Why don't people worry more about their own business?

* Why do you have to read all my texts?

 

We hit on some super random topics.

Everything from friends, to zit cream ,to truly being happy.  But one thing is for sure - - - this girl of mine - - there's no stopping her.  Not exactly sure where she found her self-esteem but it freaking rocks.

 

i. am. taking. notes. from. her.

 

Too often we allow ourselves to feel inadequate and afraid of letting our lights shine in fear that we may fail..and fail miserably...in front of what may feel like the whole world. 

 

worst. mistake. ever. 

 

Yes, I have a ever growing list of "to-do's", "must do's" and "freaking will do without a question" in life.  I may fail once, or four times while trying but I will do them.

 

no. question.

 

*And to "savruns" who sent me the SNA {sooooo not awesome}email last week.*

 

 

I [not sarcastically] thank you.

I take being a "freak" as a HUGE FREAKING compliment.

 

So how are you "playing big" in life today?

Garage Sale or Bake Sale? Peanut!!!

 So bake sale or garage sale..... Which one would you choose?

My mom said that when she had a garage sale, she had only recieved $20.
I bet I could get more. I mean who couldn't deny this face?!?!?

I want to make money for Catalina Island, which is a trip that the 6th graders at my school take every year.


Exept, They didn't tell us it was $500-600!!!!!

I am so mad and I cannot lie.

I mean WHO COULD AFFORD THAT?!?!
I hate dislike these teachers.


And as if that isn't enough it's only TWO stinking DAYS LONG!!!!!

So what do you think?  Which way do you think I could earn more money from?


GARAGE OR BAKE SALE?

Put your vote in already!!!!!

What are you waiting for?!!?!!!


Hurry up!!!!!

Wasting daylight here!


PEANUT OUT.

"Bless The Broken Road" - Rascal Flatts

Is our life plotted out ahead of time, or do we get to call some of the shots along the way?

Forgive the brief religious discussion, I'm familiar with the philosophy of free will - the idea that God gives us the road map but we have the choice to veer away [positive or negative] from the plan and make our own way from time to time.

This internal discussion on life comes to mind after a conversation we had at the dining room table last night.

Peanut: Mom, how do you think life would be if you hadn't miscarried and I had a 2 year old brother or sister?

whoa. didn't see that coming.

Me: [silent - tears filled my eyes instantly]

Peanut: sorry mom

Me: no, no. Don't be. I'm just thinking for a second.

Peanut: [looking down at her spaghetti]

Me: Peanut. I love you.

P: [smile]

Me: well . . . . I'd hope it be a lot like it is here today. I like today. Do you?

P: ya Mom, I really do.

Me: There would be a lot less marathons, I'd imagine. Probably would not have been a 24 TM run. I'd still be working from home . . .we may have moved?! I don't truly know kid.

P: [grin]

Me: [I could see her brain was working over time]

P: Do parents really love their kids the same?

Me: yes, for the most part but we all know I'm Nana & Papa's favorite. [I kid. I kid.] Yes, Peanut.

P: but I want to be YOUR favorite. I don't ever want to "share" you.

We continued for another 5 minutes.

It. was. awesome.

Awesomeparentingmoment.

Loved discussing how some things we get to decide/choose . . . . other things we freaking "get" to go through.

For

A

Reason.

The choices we make, the places we go and the people we meet - they all truly make a significant impact on the life we live.

It's fun to dream about the future, and how it's being impacted by the people and activities we/I am focusing on today.

I have no idea what [EXACTLY] tomorrow holds, but I know I'm going to freaking love it.

Happy Thursday, My Friends.

"Your Smiling Face" - James Taylor

Whenever I see "your smiling face"
I have to smile myself
Because I love you (Yes, I do).

Happy Birthday to you my Peanut.

11.

E l e v e n .

Where has the time gone? [I know.  I know.  stunting growth is not recommended]

Peanut.

you. are. my. girl.
you. are. my. favorite.

you are my go to stylist.

My dance teacher.  Yes, thanks to you - I can do a mean robot and a wicked sprinkler.

You are the world's best hugger.

And you know I'm a hugger.

I love to hear you sing, "On My Father's Wings" when we are in the car on a family road trip.  It makes my heart melt [and it makes your Dad drive slower as he fights back the tears.]

You are sensitive [you can thank me later].  You are tender.  You are thoughtful.  You never treat others unkindly.  Never.

When you are in your room with your friends. . . .

I. hear.

I hear things that are being said.  I am and have always been proud of the way you speak to others, treat others, think of others & make others feel comfortable.

I'm proud of the way you speak up for yourself and your beliefs.  You speak up for me.  You are always looking out for your family.

Look how far we've all come this year, nutty!  I'd say . . . . pretty. freaking. far.

and

pretty. f r e a k i n g . amazing.

2011 - will hold many "awesomeness" moments for you and for us as a family.

and. guess. what . . . . ? ? ? . . . .

we've. freaking. got. this.

I love you with all my heart.
To the moon and back . . . . and back.

Love,

your "crazy" Mom.

"A Beautiful Morning" - The Rascals

This morning was the perfect morning.

Early.  Recover-ish run.

McD's made me some eggs & the Pita a few sandwiches.

Peanut's requests . . . .  waffles [ya, they don't sell those].  She's my girl.  How can I refuse?  Waffles.  done.

Lunches were made.  Kisses given.

A n d

what?!

20 minutes to blow before drop-off?!

I knew just what to do.

I grabbed my new favorite cereal.

And. it. was on.

She never saw it coming.  food.  fight.  fabulous.

Little guy was a little scared.

But
this
was
awesome.

You can run --- but hiding is for wimps!

Damaged ammo.

Slightly damaged Peanut.

Conveniently for her, we had to leave before "clean-up".  Chuy did help me out with the big scraps [the ones he could find]. 

Found three in my hair.  No.  Joke.

The conversation on the way to school went like this [I recorded it on my phone, just have no clue how to upload that]:

Me:  So how does 2nd place feel?
Peanut:  Oh.  Ohhhhh.  It is sooooooooooooo ON!

Me: [laugh]
Peanut:  How does it feel to come in 2nd?

Me:  I wouldn't know.  I was in 1st.
Peanut:  How does it feel to come in last?

Me:  I wouldn't know.  All I do is win. 

Peanut:  You're just a sore winner.  And a sore loser.  L [places hand to head] on your forehead.
Me:  w i n n i n g !

I
love
that
kid.

Happy Tuesday.

a n d

a HUGE - HUGE - HUGE thank you for all the donations. 

You guys amaze me.  I am so grateful.

Thank you.

"Thorn In My Side" - Eurythmics

1st - s o r r y.

2nd - I apologize.

3rd - stop reading if you are feeling sensitive. 

okay, that's all the warning you get.

I'm freaking tired.
I'm c r a n k y .
I'm annoyed.
I'm all sorts of emotional.
I'll cry telling you one thing . . . then probably yell at you saying the next thing.

• I've been uninvited to "field day".  so fine, I was never invited [whatever] but I was going to go.  "Mom, we'll hang out tonight okay?"

Me: why?
Peanut: well it's boring.
Me: I want to see you freaking smoke all the others in the 600m!
P: mom, you have a race Sunday & you can't wear heels on the field.
Me: ha!!  I'll wear my smelly sneaks!
P:  let's just hang out tonight.

• Door opens.  Peanut exits.  I bawl.  I just got Guantanamo-ed.
• I woke up at 3:41 [for a total sleep time of 4:35]  Please say this has something to do with the insta-tears above.
• If one more person tells me, "your body is just made to run".  It. will. not. be. pretty.

No, I run whatever speed I do because I train.  I push. I push hard.  I am not being ungrateful to my Heavenly Father for any talent I may have been given . . . . but please realize I train my butt off.  Volleyball came way more "naturally" to me than this running thing does.

So PLEASE don't ride it off as being in my "genes".  I have yet to hear a pianist be told.  You're a great pianist - good thing you were blessed with those great finger genes.

• Don't assume my life is easy because I "only have one child" .  I'm not elaborating on that one because I will end up offending someone and that is NOT my intention. 
• I don't always think things out in depth [or possibly as I should].  This bothers some a few.  I work way better when I shoot from the hip.  You see I have this condition, "Paralysis by Analysis" .  enough. said. 
• Some people think they know what's better for me than I do.  I get this to a point.  You can call me naive.  blind.  heck, even crazy.  But. I've. freaking. got. this.

My unsaid [until now] motto for the last 14-16 months . . . . .

Hope. guides. me.

That's all I've got.  But. it. is. a. big. thing.  And it's working . . .  for me.

Got anything you want to vent about?

I'm a good great listener. ;)

"Shower The People" - James Taylor

I went to [a little begrudgingly] put away Peanut's clothes for her that I had asked her to put away BEFORE she left for school and found this.

[and remembered I had been instructed NOT to look in her bottom drawer until after Thanksgiving day].  And apparently, there's nothing "good" in her bottom drawer that she needs either.

Changed my "do I have to do everything?" mood real quick.

Thanks Peanut.

Thank you for making me a better person.

And "showering" me with your love.

Love,

Mom
[aka laundry fairy]