Wednesday, August 3, 2011

"Opposite Of Adults" - Chiddy Bang

A few nights ago, Peanut and I found ourselves outside in 107* [but overcast - which we Arizona people LOVE].  We were "peppering".  Passing the volleyball back and forth.  I am loving all the progress she is making.  She asked that I hit a few balls at her so she can get used to balls coming more quickly at her.  [not always the lobbing back and forth].

Sadly.  My "take no prisoners" mantra managed to sneak it's way into playing with my daughter.  She was rocking it.  So I hit harder and harder and harder . . . . until I pegged her in the chest-ish region.

She. wasn't. so. impressed.

Me:  You ok? [laugh, laugh] Try to get a hand on itAnything - so someone can play it off you.
Peanut:  [looking not impressed]  Mom you just creamed me.
Me:  Sorry kid. [then I went on you get better...these things's okay . . .]
Peanut:  [pause] I think you and I both know NO ONE I'll be playing in the next two years will ever hit anything like that at me.
Me:  [feeling slightly proud , joke, joke] okay, your right.  But when they do -- you're all freaking over it!

Peanut:  [eyes getting big and red comes the tears]
Me:  sweetheart, I am so sorry.  I thought you were having fun [prior to the smack down]
Peanut:  I am Mom.  This isn't about how I can't breathe. [yep, her words]
Me: huh, what?

Then she let it all - ALL - out.

You see [as you may very well know] . . . I am reactive.
Peanut:  7 out of 10 times . . . .not so much.

She hears a lot. [like me on the phone or talking to other "adults"]
She internalizes even more.
She thinks she has to be strong - all the time.

T u r n s   o u t  . . . . a larger than smaller telephone "conversation" was over heard by her when - - I had thought she was outside.  [This was almost a month ago!  And just now she tells me.]  She did not get this skill from me.

Sitting there in the 107* grass with her, hugging her, answering her questions [trying to any way] . . . . . reminded me of why I love being a "Mom". 

The intensity of the love I feel for her.  The way I hurt when she hurts.  The tangible bond we share.  The losses we go through together.  The surprises we encounter [love surprises].  The joys we celebrate together.  The horrible dance moves we share.  ;)  The ability to love more - then more - then --- somehow ---- even more.

She still wants to talk to me.  Listen to me.  Cook with me.  Dance with me.  Read by me.  Sit by me.

And I freaking love it.
Because I want to do the same.

Life is bumpy, twisty, confusing & full of air-pockets

This day was no exception.  But it was one of the best days in my life.

We packed it in.  Walked inside.  Both with tears streaming down our crusty, sweaty faces.  She walks down the hall and . . . .  I'm overcome.

By her non-childlike behavior.  Her intensity.  Her beauty.  Her candor.  Her talents.  By her heart.

As a young mom [and young wife] I used to think that struggles equalled a failure to some extent.  But now I realize more and more each day that these struggles bring us together in a way a "perfect" life - never could.

To heck with looking like the "Jones's".  Being "Patty Perfect" , "Church-going Cathy" or "Homemaker Helen" .

My need, my want?
To continue on with my family, my girl - - - by MY side - - - for. FREAKING. ever.


Doesn't really matter.

What does matter?

That we keep moving ahead with our "seat belts" fastened.
Because life ----

--- it's a freaking awesome, wild ride.

[and guess what? we've. freaking. got. this.]


racing dawn said...

As I sit here eating my blueberries, I find myself wondering if there is a more amazing, fun mom than you. Pretty sure there's not.

Love life moments and the big grand perspective it gives us sometimes. Even when it takes getting a volleyball to the body sometimes. ;) You three are the best.

I didn't think it was possible to breath in 107* let alone play volleyball!?!?

Danielle C. said...

Beautiful, beautiful post. As I get older I start to discover some of these things too, I hope to someday have a child to share with.

bobbi said...

I love this post. SO much.

ShutUpandRun said...

So cool b/c I have recently thought the same things about my ten year old Emma. Spending time with her and soaking in her depth and watching her make sense of things has been the greatest gift of all. I love to be able to say I just LOVE being with her. There is nothing like it in the world.

What a heartfelt tribute to your peanut!

Shellyrm ~ just a country runner said...

This is a wonderful sharing of what a mom and daughter interaction should be.

Sharing, listening, talking, playing, being in the moment with just eachother.

Vanessa @ Gourmet Runner said...

Geez, way to make me cry! I am the same as your little girl--always hearing things, internalizing them, processing them, but when they spill out--watch out!
You have such a bond with her, it's beautiful!

XLMIC said...

She sounds so much like my oldest. He's a real listener though you never realize it until he does like she did and pours it out.

You are such a great mom for your Peanut, Emz. Even if you did whomp her super hard w/ a volleyball :P

Aimee said...

Aww..I loved this post. :) Now that my boys are 4 and 6, I am realizing how much they are growing up. Just "being" with them and talking about things with them is one of the greatest things about being a mom.

LB said...

i love this....thank you for sharing. i truly learn a lot from you, about being a GOOD mom and cultivating a REAL relationship with my daughter.

Melissa Cunningham said...

oh emz!
yo are such a great mom!
this post rings true at so many levels!
so glad you and peanut were able to share a moment,feel closer and for you to have a moment to reflect and feel so much love...
THAT is what makes being a mom so special,THOSE are the moments that make everything else (thats not so much fun) worth it at the end of the day!
yall rock!

Marisa @ The Pace of my Life said...

love this post (typing with tears welled up in eyes).

Jess @ Blonde Ponytail said...

The balancing act of motherhood seems SO critical and you do such an amazing job. Role model for The Peanut. Your mother-daughter relationship is beautiful as you both keep each other grounded.

Damn you and your tear invoking powers! ;)

jymmebe said...

:) . . . love your peanut, and you!

Michelle said...

Just love love love this post. You have such a wonderful bond the two of you - it's beautiful!

Caroline said...

ayaye....motherhood is wonderful isnt it...and also quite hard. it is the truth, if we do this well it is hard I think. I have a feeling that she will always want to talk to you and sit by you. If she does, you will be one of the few lucky ones who dont get put in the corner for a few years. mother-daughter that can be very complex...but clearly you are on the right track my Arizona friend.

H Love said...

absolutely favorite thing about you! Yes you are a rock star athlete and comedian! But your MOMMY heart overpowers all of that and it overflows in this post! Thanks for the inspiration...for what really matters! Off to love of my kiddos!

Anonymous said...

Le Sigh. As I'm spending this last week of summer break off of work to spend with my kiddos- I UNDERSTAND and LOVE this.

Jill said...


I am apartment shopping with my a blink, they are gone and these times together are priceless!

Jason said...

Love It.

Life is the best amusement park you can have a ticket to. Tons of ups and downs all day everyday and you just have to take it day by day and sometimes tear by tear.


ihaverun said...

I'm SO glad you aren't Patty Perfect, Church-going Cathy or Homemaker Helen. What you ARE is an amazing mom. And person. I pray I have that kind of relationship with my girls as they get older.

Peanut is a lucky, lucky girl. As simple as your needs and wants may seem, they are all that matter.

The Green Girl said...

Wow. I think I held my breath the entire time I read that.

Peanut is lucky to have you. And you are lucky to have her. Plain and simple.

Sarah said...

You are a great mom! :-D

Zaneta @ Runner's Luck said...

Great post...
Great daughter...
Great mom...

Great life lessons... :)
Great memories! :)

Cari Mugz said...

Physical pain, Emotional pain.. it doesn't matter... when it's your kids.

You definitely hurt with them, sometimes worse than them, having to watch them go through it.

You kiss that peanut for me... 10 is way to short... 18 is way to short.

Love you guys so much!

Hugs and kisses, love and farts :)
(I love to embarrass my kids with that)

Char said...

Beautiful post. I know that tug of the umbilical cord still with my much older kids. I still feel their pain. And I feel pride and amazement and joy. Having kids can be the most demanding thing you will ever do but it's got to be the most rewarding thing ever.

Johann said...

Nice post! You are obviously a great mom. Enjoy these moments. You sure she didn't get that skill from you?

KovasP said...

Way to mix tough love and pepper!

Mel -Tall Mom on the Run said...

Amen.. Hugs to being a Mom

SupermomE13 said...

This post totally made me cry sitting in the waiting room at Primary Children's yesterday!! You really are awesome...not just saying that. So many people aren't connected to their kids, and Peanut knows how much you love and care for her. That is what matters and what makes you a great mom.

I SUCK at volleyball but my oldest is really good!! :)

Unknown said...

You are such an awesome mom! That little peanut is so lucky to have you! :) And you're lucky to have such a cool kid.

Girlfriend, I knew you would applaud my purchase -- I was just waiting for it! I have friends that ask "oh. where are you gonna put it?" And I say, "Right where a second couch would go, in my living room. I'd rather be running than sitting on my ass." That usually hushes them up. :)

Ann ~ Sporty Girl Jewelry said...

Love this. I coach my daughter's volleyball team - so happy she chose "my" sport. Like your peanut she still likes me and likes to spend time with me. And now that she's almost as tall as I am (she's almost 5'9!) she is starting to hit some kills at me.

How fun for you to share all this with her - .

Big Daddy Diesel said...

Moms are precious

Nelly said...

Great post! Yea, I think you would be a great Mom.

Hilarious that Peanut thinks she would never see a ball hit harder than that besides the one she just saw from you, haha

And you weren't at SF marathon this past weekend were you? I was hoping to meet up with you, but it didn't seem like it was meant to be.

And it's my pleasure to wear your shirt to expos, you have a full time marketing department with all of us bloggers out there!

Awesome that you saw Michael Chang play, that guy could rally like no other!